Mark’s Story; PTSD and Me

Waking up in the morning used to be one of the greatest feelings in the world. A bright sunny day ahead of you, interesting people to meet and greet. All of that had to change at some point right? The perfect world answer is no, but in this this war torn world we live in, the world decided that I would no longer get to feel that way in the morning. Now it is a sluggish morning daze from the time that I open my eyes until the time they hit the pillow. That is mostly from the sleeping medication that I need to take so I do not wake up in a sweat with my heart pounding and my wife leaning over me trying to calm me down, someone give that woman an award for me will you? The sleeping is not the only problem that I run into now though. It is the constant watchful eye that I must maintain while I am out in public…which I try to avoid at all costs. That wouldn’t be so bad if I lived alone and had no one that depended on me for survival. My children need to go places and do things that normal kids do, you know go to the park and things like that. The only issue with going to those places is that my watchful eye never seems to quit. Where is the next threat coming from? That guy over there looks suspicious, I bet he has a gun hiding under his coat. That is just a small example of the things that go through my mind when out in public. It is an unnecessary burden that I would like to stop, but how? The one thing that always seems to brighten my day up no matter what the mood is my children. They are the apple of my eye and never cease to amaze me and put a smile on my face. The other option I have is therapy and really who wants to talk to a stranger about problems that they do not care about. Besides I live in Phoenix, Arizona, the worst VA hospital in the United States sits just 10 minutes from my house. If I was to try and go to them for help it would take me 9 months to get a new patient appointment, like it did the first time I tried to go there back when I was first Honorably Discharged from the United States Marine Corps back in January 2013. I know that my PTSD is not as bad as others and I am grateful for that, but this disorder does affect me and others greatly in a very serious way. This disorder is not only affecting Veterans it is also affecting everyday Americans also.  I believe that more awareness needs to be given to others like me and start the healing process. I have finally begun the healing process on my own, once I got health care that was out of reach from the irresponsible shadow that the Phoenix VA hospital casts. My mood has improved, my relationship with my wife has improved the terrifying feeling of being in public is still there just not as strong. I have even started to use that feeling of anxiety and panic and put it toward something positive, my school work. I have been working extremely hard to accomplish my goals in school so much so that I have maintained a 4.0 grade point average through my first two semesters of college. I will be applying for honors next semester and am looking forward to the challenge that awaits. The money from your scholarship will help me in numerous way that will help alleviate some of the stress that comes from the financial side of being in school and only working part time with a wife and two children. Thank you for your time and pleaser consider me for the scholarship.